Former Child Prodigy
Loves Math, anagrams (can anagram anything), languages (knows 11), and odd facts
Trouble making friends (kind of a loner)
Has only dated (and been dumped by) girls named Katherine. 19 of them.
On the morning after Colin graduated from high school and was dumped by Katherine number 19. Depressed about the latest breakup and convinced he never will reach his true potential, he just wants his parents to leave him alone.
And then, Hassan came to visit:
Best Friend Hassan (“a rather fat, hirsute, guy of Lebanese descent,” loves Judge Judy and Hardee’s Monster Thick Burgers, is a slacker and swears a little bit less than a sailor)
Hassan had an answer to all of Colin’s problems:
It didn’t matter where. They would take a trip in Colin’s car (aka Satan’s Hearse) and go anywhere besides here (here being Chicago). Along the way they will see the sites and Colin may finally get a chance to work out his Theorem of Underlying Katherine Predictability.
This is a mathematical formula that will predict the course of all relationships and explain why he always tends to be the dumpee instead of the one doing the dumping.
After passing up a chance to see the World’s Largest Crucifix (in Bardstown, KY), they come to a stopping point in Gunshot Tennessee, the (alleged) grave site of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.
Also home to Lindsey Lee Wells and her mother Hollis. Hollis is the owner of a textile plant that provides jobs for many people in town. Although, instead of making textiles, these days they make the strings that go in tampons.
It is the unlikeliest of places for Colin and Hassan to spend the summer. He might even finally prove the Katherine theorem and finally get over the abundance of Katherines. Maybe…